


We might not be Bonnie and Clyde (but we could give Lucy and Ricky a run for their money)

by maccabird_23



Series: Fuck the Ten-year Plan [2]
Category: Hockey RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-26
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-06 05:28:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1102962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maccabird_23/pseuds/maccabird_23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonny always thought that the best kind of interview was a phone-in one. From his perspective, there was nothing easier than sitting on his couch in holed-up sweats and a pizza-stained T-shirt while taking softball questions from someone he vaguely remembered playing against in Junior. But since he and Pat had come out, he really had to revise his concept of easy.</p><p>Now beta-edited. </p><p>Follow me on tumblr: macca21.tumblr.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	We might not be Bonnie and Clyde (but we could give Lucy and Ricky a run for their money)

Jonny always thought that the best kind of interview was a phone-in one. From his perspective, there was nothing easier than sitting on his couch in holed-up sweats and a pizza-stained T-shirt while taking softball questions from someone he vaguely remembered playing against in Junior. But since he and Pat had come out, he really had to revise his concept of easy.

 

At first, he'd been worried that every question they were asked would be about Sochi or gay rights, and how he thought coming out would change the perception of gays in sports. It wasn't that he didn't care or he didn't want to be the voice of LGBTQ in sports, but to be reasonable he didn't see himself or Pat waxing philosophical on Bill Maher any time soon. It had taken both him and Kaner about a year with PR just to learn how to give a halfway decent interview about hockey, and that was something he could actually talk about without opening up his Wikipedia app. To conclude, his two years in college really only taught him how to play better hockey and to never trust TJ Oshie not to hog a bowl.

  
What he really hadn't expected and was delightfully surprised by was that almost every sports commentator seemed to get it, no matter the network they represented, and it seemed that at least five new networks were popping up in their dressing room every day, each working diligently to avoid asking them any personal or political questions.

Sure they'd be asked, “Do you think that by coming out, you will have better or worst chances of making captain for team Canada or U.S.?”

  


And by now both he and Pat have learned to give the same aw-shucks answers of “We'd just be happy to make our teams and represent our countries.”

  


Then the commentators would be left to analyze if them being in a relationship would make any kind of statement in Sochi. Jonny liked to believe that the media in general had been worn down by their good ol' boy attitudes to the point that they realized squeezing blood out of a rock would be easier than getting any controversial statement out of them. And that's exactly how Jonny wanted it.

  


It also had its perks because now it was ten times easier to chirp Pat without him even being mentioned. To his glee and much to Kaner's horror, the media had taken to calling them the Lucy and Ricky of hockey. It made Jonny mirthful because it was universally accepted that he was definitely Ricky in this scenario. 

  


“How the hell are you Ricky?” Pat had asked at ten in the morning on a Sunday, smashing his iPad into Jonny's face. Jonny didn't need to read the headline of the Puck Daddy blurb since Sharpy had pretty much told him the best bits.

  


“Easy. I have anger issues and you have curly hair. They're hockey writers, not TV critics. Now fuck off or blow me.” Jonny had huffed out, and to his surprise Pat rolled his eyes heavenward before doing something that sure wasn't saintly. See, perks.

  


He no longer had to turn up the personality part of his interviews or make god-awful jokes in the vain of coming off as charming. As it turned out, willingly dating Kaner gave him all the personality the media needed.

  


Take the interview he was doing now. He was talking to Jamal Mayers about the next few games. Jammer asked him what their game plan was on playing against the Avs, Blues and Kings practically back-to-back after a long holiday break.

  


He gave his normal answers of “Going back to basics, playing chip and chase, tightening up their D and more forechecking.” Rinse and repeat.

  


There seemed to be a lull in the conversation, and for a minute Jonny was afraid Jammer would betray the trust between hockey brothers and ask him something terrible.

  


“What was the best gift you ever received during Christmas?” or “Would you sing your favorite Christmas song for the fans listening?” and God help them both if he asked, “Hey, Jonny, do you wanna tell us a Christmas joke?”

  


“So what are your and Pat's plans for Christmas?” Jammer asked, and Jonny sighed in relief.

  


There hadn't seemed to be any lag time between them coming out and the first report printed where journalists stopped referring to them as two separate entities. Maybe it was because to most reporters, they were never two individual players. It had always been Kane and Toews.

  


“Kane and Toews lead the Blackhawks to Stanley Cup Victory,” and even through the bad it was still “Kane and Toews off their game during Blackhawks losing streak.”

Now everything had a hint of the personal, and when they weren't talking about the actual games journalists would just refer to them as Patrick and Jonathan.

  


“Patrick and Jonathan went to the Children's Hospital to hand out gifts” and “Patrick and Jonathan play hockey with Veterans.” And after one horrible decision - after being goaded by Bicks – “Patrick and Jonathan pose with puppies for calender.”

  


Now there weird, co-dependent style of playing and living seemed to sell as puff for reporters to gush disgustingly about, and it would be embarrassing if it hadn't meant it made interviews like this easier.

  


“Well, my family decided to come down to Buffalo and we're all gonna spend Christmas at Kaner's,” Jonny said, half paying attention, while trying to decide if he could fit in another short nap before they played the Devils. Pat had already wandered off into the room halfway through the interview.

  


The bastard was probably hogging the blankets while firmly planted on Jonny's side of the bed. He was probably also nice and warm, sleep fogged but easy to cuddle and in just the right state of drowsy. Jonny had almost lulled himself into a false sense of security, so when Jammer's next question came he was honestly confused by the words.

  


“Did you get tickets for your entire family so they could watch you and Pat on the _Daily Show_?” Jammer asked like Jonny and Pat being on the _Daily Show_ was completely normal and not just a bunch of words that made Jon's brain hurt.

  


“What?” Jonny asked, hoping he hadn't heard clearly. Maybe Jamal was getting as bored of the interview as Jonny and was asking him what shows they watched. _Game of Thrones_ would have been the answer because even though he and Pat would have the late reruns of the _Daily Show_ on at night, they were usually busy doing other things to actually give Jon Stewart their full attention. Sex mostly.

  


“You and Pat are going to be on the _Daily Show_ tomorrow,” Jamal enunciated, as if he was speaking to a particularly slow Labradoodle.

  


“Huh?” Jonny answered eloquently, before coming back to himself and picking up a piece of foil that Pat threw on the table while eating mini chocolate Santas. He then proceeded to scrunch up the foil into the speaker of his phone. “Sorry, Jammer, I think we got a bad connection. I'll make it up to you guys and come back next Monday. Happy Holidays. Bye.” Jonny hurriedly hung up the phone before throwing it on the couch like it was a grenade that was gonna go off at any second.

He took a few calming breaths and repeated to himself that he was not gonna have a panic attack. If there was anyone he was gonna attack, it was the midget elf that was peacefully sleeping in their bed. “Patrick Timothy Kane!” he yelled just like Donna had taught him.

  


A few seconds later, Pat came strolling out of their bedroom, groggily rubbing at his eyes. “If the blender is doing the thing again then just fucking throw it--” Pat paused, taking a good look at Jonny's face, which was beat red accompanied by two flaring nostrils and one helluva “I'm gonna hip check the fuck out of you” glare.

  


It took Pat a beat before he slowly started walking backwards into their room. “We'redoinganinterviewwithJonStewarttomorrow,” he mumbled before fully turning around and bolting into their bedroom. It only took a second for Jonny to spring from the couch and run toward their bedroom door, which was then firmly slammed into his face. “PR agreed. Your mother is super excited. You can 't kill me and get away with it. Q will be so angry at you if I'm dead and you have to spend the rest of your life in some Canadian jail.”

  


Jonny pounded on their bedroom door, before remembering there wasn't a lock on the inside. He yanked it open as Kaner tried fruitlessly to keep it closed from his side. Jonny only came face to face with Pat for a moment before being smacked in the face with a pillow. He stumbled backwards for a second before snatching the feathered weapon away from Kaner and throwing it on the bed.

  


“Pat, what even, man? Have all the fumes from your Rogaine finally burned your remaining brain cells, or are you just trying to find new and unique ways to give me a heart attack?” Jonny asked, whilst pushing Pat on the bed and firmly planting his butt on Kaner's knees so he couldn't escape.

  


Pat clutched uselessly at the curls growing around his temples before pouting up at Jon, “You promised never to mention the Rogaine, you jerk.”

  


“Pat.” Jonny growled, bouncing his butt on top of Pat's knee as punishment for Kaner being Kaner.

  


“Ugh, stop, you fucking tub of lard. Those knees are worth seven figures each,” Kaner groaned, trying to dislodge the two-hundred-plus pounds of angry boyfriend that was bouncing on top of him in a totally non-sexy way.

  


“Why would you setup an interview for the both of us and not tell me?” Jonny demanded, pinning Pat to the bed with a laser glare. “Better yet, why even agree to an interview with someone who has nothing to do with sports? For fuck sake, Pat! Jon Stewart is a comedian and a political commentator. He's either gonna ask us about anti-gay laws or whether we use hockey lingo in bed.”

  


Pat sighed, before rolling onto his side and Jon rolled with him until they were both facing each other. “And what's so wrong with that? When we first came out, I had all these weird notions that we were gonna be the Bonnie and Clyde of the hockey world. Slaying preconceived notions while still kicking ass on the ice. And we are still fucking clutch while playing, but for fuck-sake Jonny they call us Lucy and Ricky.”

  


Jonny tilted his head downward until their foreheads touched. He was confused but understood that whatever strange logic Pat worked out in his own head was bothering him. “What's wrong with that?”

  


Pat bit his lip, meeting Jonny's eyes. “They call us Lucy and Ricky because they didn't share a bed until Lucy was pregnant with Little Ricky.” Jonny raised an eyebrow, clearly stating that Pat's logic was none the clearer after that little factoid from classic television history.

  


Pat rolled his eyes. “They're calling us sexless. All of the media sees us as these sexless, brainless hockey robots. We don't talk about personal stuff and we haven't talk about political stuff since the first interview. And that was very clearly spur of the moment.”

  


“I don't want the media to know about our personal lives. That's what we get to keep just for ourselves. And we don't have to say anything about Sochi. All we have to do is go out their and kick ass. Actions speak louder than words, Pat.” Jonny stroked a few wayward curls off of Pat's face before clutching his finger between the downy hairs that grew behind Pat's ears.

  


“I don't wanna do it for the media. I want people to see us the way the team sees us. I want them to know that there was a year long bet between the guys for when we would finally hook up. And I want them to know that when we play in Sochi, we won't just be representing our nation but our community, this small community of out players. And hopefully if we do this, more players won't be afraid to come out.”

  


Jonny had never been good with words. Between the two of them, Pat had been the one who always found it easier to joke with reporters and talk about his feelings. Jonny always spoke louder with his actions. That's why instead of answering Pat, he just leaned down and kissed him openly on the mouth. Pat, never the one to turn down affection, returned the kiss, slightly nipping at Jon's bottom lip.

  


It didn't take long for a few lazy kisses and two pairs of wandering hands to devolve into something much more basic. Another reason why Jonny liked sweats and T-shirts; it never took long to strip two full grown men of either.

  


It wasn't until Jonny had one lubed finger circling Pat's furled rim that Kaner decided to ruin it by being Kaner. “So, you're gonna do the interview with me, right?” Pat decided to ask as he placed two well formed hamstrings on either side of Jon's shoulders.

  


Jonny would have been pissed at Pat for being a manipulative, little prick if it wasn't for the fact that he was distracted by Pat's knees on either side of his ears. Not every man could say that they used two million dollar knees as earmuffs every time they fucked their partner, and for that fact Jonny gave himself a mental pat on the back before thrusting forward and sinking a couple of inches into Pat's twitching hole.

  


“Fuck, Jonny. You fucker! Don't think you could distract me with your dick. We're not rookies anymore and fucking shit, get deeper.” Pat rambled and Jonny rewarded him by hammering in the last few inches that he was depriving the both of them. This definitely wasn't rookie season anymore. Mostly because Pat could now take all of his dick without intermission and because they could be as loud as they wanted without worrying that they would wake up either Seabs or the entire Bowman family.

  


“I'm guessing when we're on Jon Stewart we're not gonna mention how I take you doggy style so you could watch the _Daily Show_?” Jonny asked, watching Pat blush like a virgin and certainly not like a guy who's been begging Jonny to fuck him since they were both at World Junior.

  


“No, but I think we could mention how you go down on me while I watch the _Colbert Report,_ ” Pat snapped back before snapping his hips forward to meet Jonny's thrust. “Or fuck, right there. We could mention how you proposed to me on the Canadian Thanksgiving, and I didn't say yes until the American Thanksgiving just to watch you sweat.”

  


Jonny paused mid-thrust and looked down at Kaner, who had sweat dripping from the tip of his nose and a mouth so red that Jonny wanted to bend down and wreck it more. And that's exactly what he did. After coming up for air, he answered, “Yeah, that would be nice.”

Pat paused for a second, then broke out and laughing. “Only you would say 'that would be nice' while you have your dick in somebody. You are literally every character out of a fifties sitcom.”

  


Jonny furrowed his eyebrows before grabbing at the hollow concave behind each of Kaner's knees. He pulled them tightly toward his chest, slamming his pelvis forward and meeting the soft skin of Pat's ass with a hard slap. Pat grunted low in his chest, eyes rolling almost completely into his head and sure as fuck not laughing anymore. “Would Opie Taylor do that, Pat?” Jonny asked, as he continued to slam his hips forward. “Would he fuck you until you forgot your own damn name?”

  


“Shut the fuck up, Jonny and keep fucking me,” Pat ordered, as he pulled Jonny down by the neck and delivered a few of his own bruising kisses.

  


By the time the sweat started to cool on their bare bodies, Jonny had enough time to think about everything Pat had said and came to a few of his own conclusions. “You know, it doesn't really bug me,” he said, slowly playing with the dark curls that formed into a halo below Pat's pelvis.

Kaner looked at him lazily and questioning. “Being compared to Lucy and Ricky, I kinda like it. 'Cause they were different, but in the end they were just two people that loved each other.”

  


Pat gave him one of those blinding smiles that was only seen by him and people that Kaner loved. “You fucking liar. You're just happy 'cause they made you Ricky.”

Jonny let out a chuckle, bending down to meet Kaner's lips with his own.

  


“I've got anger management issues and you've got curly hair. When it's meant to be, its meant to be,” Jonny said, flashing back to the image he kept in the back of his mind of Kaner entering the locker room for the first time, just shy of thirteen years old and how hard his heart had pounded the first time Pat had smiled at him. “And this definitely feels like it was meant to be.”

**Author's Note:**

> I think the next chapter will be coming in a day or so. It will either be the actual Daily Show interview or it'll be a prequel going to to the Junior Championship probably. Encouragement is always wanted!


End file.
